


Bathtubs and Bridges

by leavemewiththerazor



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Blurryface, Depression, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Song: Goner, joshler - Freeform, kitchen sink - Freeform, twenty one pilots - Freeform, tyler is sad and josh wants to help
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2017-07-03
Packaged: 2018-11-22 17:27:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11384931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leavemewiththerazor/pseuds/leavemewiththerazor
Summary: "Tyler," Josh said. "What are you thinking about?"He blinked and broke the idle gaze he had on the ground in front of him. Head still down, he directed his eyes upward towards his friend. "Everything."Josh's expression furrowed. Tyler's stayed blank, his eyes becoming distant again. "Everything, Tyler. What's everything?""Bathtubs." His eyes flicked up again, towards his friend, and then back down. "Bathtubs and bridges."--In which Tyler is sad and Josh helps him feel better.(Slightly based off of the Goner music video and Kitchen Sink.)





	Bathtubs and Bridges

"It's cold today."  
Josh looked up. The sky was gray. "It's December, Tyler."  
The other boy laughed breathily, hands in his pockets, but he wasn't smiling. Just staring at the ground. "It's cold."  
They were standing on the street in front of Tyler's house. It was snowing lightly, and the asphalt was covered by a thin white sheet. Tire tracks striped the length of the road.  
"Tyler," Josh said. "What are you thinking about?"  
He blinked and broke the idle gaze he had on the ground in front of him. Head still down, he directed his eyes upward towards his friend. "Everything."  
Josh's expression furrowed. Tyler's stayed blank, his eyes becoming distant again. "Everything, Tyler. What's everything?"  
"Bathtubs." His eyes flicked up again, towards his friend, and then back down. "Bathtubs and bridges."  
"What does that mean, Tyler? I don't know what that means."  
"You don't know what that means."  
"No, Tyler. Help me to know. I want to know."  
Tyler's blank expression twisted into one of distress, but his eyes were still fixed on something deep past the snow and street below him. "You wouldn't."  
"I wouldn't what?"  
"Want to know."  
"Why? Why not, why wouldn't I?"  
"Because if you knew," Tyler glanced again at Josh. "Then you'd feel like this too. And I don't want that. But you'd never know anyhow. Even if I told you."  
"I might know if you tried."  
"No. Because a bathtub and a bridge to me will always mean something different to me than to you. Even if you knew how I saw it, you still wouldn't see it. You would know. You wouldn't see." Tyler met Josh's eyes, keeping contact this time. "Okay, friend?"  
This made sense to Josh, and he nodded.  
"Have you ever noticed," Tyler said, turning to look down the street. "That sometimes, when you close one eye, everything moves over a little bit? Just a little bit to the right or a little bit to the left." He closed one eye.  
Josh looked at Tyler and covered his right eye. His friend shifted slightly to the left.  
Tyler turned back to Josh, one eye still closed. "Things look different when you only see out of one eye." He switched eyes. "You too. You're a little farther." He closed both his eyes then, using his whole face to squeeze them shut. "I don't want you to look farther."  
"But I'm not farther, Tyler. I'm right here. You just have to open both eyes."  
He did. "Why do you smoke, Josh."  
"I don't anymore, Tyler, you know that." Josh let his hand back in his pocket, leaving his eyes uncovered again.  
"I know."  
The cold was quiet and bitey on the boys' faces. "It is cold today, you're right," Josh said.  
"It's cold every day." Tyler looked as far as he could down the street.  
"Not every day, Tyler."  
"I know." He smiled, letting the corners of his lips raise only slightly. "We're all just people."  
"What do you mean?"  
"I mean we're all just people out here and sometimes it's cold and sometimes it's warm. And sometimes we close our eyes and sometimes we only look through one and sometimes all we can remember is the cold."  
"Tyler," Josh said. "Tyler, hey, look at me." Tyler's smile dropped and his head rose. "What are you thinking about."  
"I told you." He looked away. "Bathtubs. And bridges."  
"And cars?"  
"I suppose cars, yes."  
"And water?"  
"I guess."  
"And dying?"  
Tyler pursed his lips, his eyes went dark. "You know. But you don't see."  
"Are you thinking about dying, Tyler? All that's in the past. You don't have to go back there anymore. Let a bathtub be a bathtub and a bridge be a bridge."  
"Brother, I never had to be there. I just didn't want to be here."  
"I know, Tyler," Josh's voice was gentle, laced with the same worry that shone in his eyes. "I know."  
"Bathtubs and bridges."  
"And that's all they are."  
"But my head makes them more."  
"Your head can make them whatever it wants them to be."  
"No," Tyler said sadly. "No, that's not how it works."  
"What if something else happened in a bathtub?"  
"And at a bridge."  
"And at a bridge, Tyler."  
"What if?"  
"That's what I'm asking you."  
"What else could happen?"  
"Anything."  
"But what?"  
"I don't know, Tyler, anything."  
"I don't know."  
"Tyler."  
"My catastrophe."  
"What?"  
"My catastrophe. That's what happened. So that's what they are to me. Bridges and bathtubs. Bridges and bathtubs."  
"I know, Tyler."  
He looked at Josh with sad eyes. "No, you don't," he said softly.  
"I know. I know I don't."  
"Of all things."  
"I know. Funny how something normal can become something so terrifying."  
"Bridges and bathtubs."  
Josh nodded and they were quiet for a while.  
"If it's that easy," Josh said quietly, wiping his nose on his sleeve. "Then couldn't you make something else mean joy?"  
"It's not easy."  
"Okay, but Tyler," Josh insisted. "Are you alive right now?"  
Tyler looked at his friend, confused. "Yes?"  
"How do you know?"  
"Are you suggesting I'm dead?"  
"No, just, work with me."  
"Okay."  
"What do you feel?"  
"Um."  
"I mean," Josh gestured to the length of his own frame. "Physically. How do you feel right now?"  
"Cold."  
"Exactly. Keep going."  
Tyler thought about this for a moment. "My ears sting. My fingers hurt. And my nose."  
"And how about up there, in your head?" Josh tapped his right temple twice with a finger. "How are you feeling? Besides sad."  
"Nobody said I was sad."  
"You know what I mean. Besides all the bridges and bathtubs."  
"Well I like being here with you."  
"Why?"  
"Because you're my friend. My only friend. I feel," Tyler tilted his head in thought. "Not alone."  
"You're alive, Tyler. You're alive right now, and you're not alone. You feel."  
"Yes."  
"And you can see all the lights and all the stars and you can breathe the air and you can talk to me and listen to me."  
"Yes."  
"And you said it yourself, you don't want to die."  
"No, I've never wanted to die," Tyler said resolutely. "Sometimes I just wanted to not hurt."  
"Yes, and Tyler, you're not dead. You didn't drown and your car didn't go through the bridge's railing. Here you are, alive, and you've won. All those times you were sad and people were telling you things and your mind was racing, you won. Because you're still here and you're still breathing and you can still feel things."  
"Still feel the cold." Tyler kept looking at the ground, but his expression showed thought.  
"Yes."  
"Even though it's not exactly comfortable."  
"Yes, Tyler. Yes, exactly."  
"I'm alive."  
"You're alive."  
"I win?"  
"You win."  
Tyler smiled and laughed quietly. He shook his head, amused.  
"What?" Josh looked, expecting, at his friend.  
The other boy met his stare, still smiling. Laughter on his tongue, he spoke: "it's cold today.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic, hope you like !!


End file.
